Team mates with Andy Reid.

At EUAFC we pride ourselves on our team spirit and the strong bonds we form with other members of our club. It is inevitable that the boys you train and play alongside several times a week become the people you know inside out. Whether it’s picking up on minor idiosyncrasies or providing detailed accounts of your antics in “P-Row” last saturday, there really are no secrets in this club. In order to gather some of this priceless information, we decided to interview a long standing member of the club. Someone who is honest, mild-mannered and held in high esteem by their team mates. Unfortunately none of those boys were available so we went with Andy Reid instead.

Andy Reid is now a Law graduate who has spent 5 years at EUAFC. Over the years he has been a regular in the 2nd team and a big voice in the club, enjoying a stint as secretary in his 5th year. Widely renowned for being the angriest man to ever don the green and blue and famous for his often controversial sense of humour, this is what Andy Reid had to say about his team mates…

I mean who hasn’t fallen victim to a bad case of One Direction Infection?

Best Trainer – Well across my 5 years at the club there have been many excellent trainers, most of whom turn out to be rotten come Saturday. With that in mind I’d have to opt for Vince Coleman. Touch of an angel on the training pitch but a complete bottle merchant in games. Well in the games he actually starts of course…

Worst Trainer – This one has to go to a former club captain and Snapchat Story fiend Roo Hamilton. When he wasn’t moping around, he’d join in for a couple of drills, give the ball away with every second touch then sit the rest of the session out with what must’ve been a gym inflicted injury. Horrible guy and a horrible trainer.

Most Skilful – Only one winner for me here. Whilst many great players have passed through the club in my time, Kohei Habata can do incredible things with a ball. The wee man was a game changer. He was quicker out of the blocks than Usain Bolt, could turn an entire defence inside out and had the leap of Michael Jordon on speed. Just ask Danny Main about ‘that’ photo…

The Joker – With a club full of so many characters this is one of the toughest calls. The likes of Paul McLaughin and Fraser Wallace clearly fancy themselves as the best comedy duo since Morecambe and Wise (a duo I doubt they’ve even heard of actually) but their patter is absolutely dreadful. The nonsense of the late Andy ‘gassy tummy’ Cummings and Dave ‘Cuddles’ McArthur always provided a giggle around the place but of the current boys there’s one or two who do tickle my funny bone. A few readers may expect my partner in crime Graeme Armstrong to feature here but he’s actually not much of a joker, the laddie is just a total joke! For me the title of joker has to be shared between Calum ‘lemon lover’ Frain and Dunc ‘da punk’ Black. Both intelligent lads (Frainy does history you know) with a dry sense of humour and quick wit that I enjoy. Couple eh gents.

Fastest – That’s easy, Kohei Habata.

Slowest – I think we all know who gets this one, it can only be Graeme Armstrong. A solid defender for sure but the only player I’ve ever seen that gives himself 5 yards on a striker before appealing for offside then still getting beaten to the ball and conceding a goal. At least it wasn’t an important game eh Amo? Nonsense…

Most Intelligent – Another tricky one in club full of such learned scholars. Despite his unconvincing hard man persona and constant struggle to shake off his Private Schoolboy tag, Jamie Jackson is in fact quite an intelligent individual, but he can only dream of topping this list. In terms of real intelligence, club legends Dr Mark Tait and Dr David Connelly are definitely up there but I’d have to opt for ze German professor Harald Burchardt. The man is not only a lovely lad and top striker, he also developed some ground-breaking new technology and has been dubbed the Bill Gates of Bavaria. When you couple that with the fact he often misses games because he’s jetting over Europe to showcase this tech you know they guy has a brain cell or two to spare…

Least Intelligent – Hmm so many PE boys to choose from here… If SnapChat stories were the only thing to go by, Boaby Whelan would win this one hands down. Drinking Buckie and shouting “mad wi it” in every snap just screams intelligence. However failing PE exams is surely unforgivable and despite there being numerous candidates for this one (Andy Thoamson and Duncan Black you’ve dodged a bullet here) I’m gonna pick on Ciaran Duffy. Not only did he fail a year and retreat to his Highland hovel in Wick, he also decided to unilaterally call a halt to his Matchday Secretary duties and stop answering calls, much to the annoyance of the entire LEAFA set up. Add to the fact he thinks those horrific lime green trainers he’s always sporting are “great” and we’ve got ourselves a winner!

Worst Dress Sense – Lots of candidates again here. Graeme Armstrong with his collection of long sleeve poloshirts and terrible trainers is a definite contender. I’m constantly checking the guy’s lightbulb in his room because I swear he gets dressed in the dark. I’ll give him his due though, he’s improving and by the end of the year I might even let myself be seen in public with him. Calum ‘Fiveskin’ Frain is up there too. When he isn’t trying to look (and sound) like an extra from Green Street, he thinks he’s Reni from the Stone Roses with those nonsense bucket hats and baggy, loud t-shirts. However anyone who combines pink chinos with brown tassled shoes, an EUAFC retro zippy and aviator sunglasses then accessorizes with a Jack Wills lanyard on a regular basis to impress netball girls can’t hide from this one. In case anyone hasn’t already guessed its Aaron Hodgson.

Worst Taste in Music – Well if you put this one to the boys, more than a few would point the finger at me and I can’t imagine why. I mean who hasn’t fallen victim to a bad case of One Direction Infection? For me, however my esteemed flatmate David ‘Ozzy’ Oswald has an almost non-existent taste in music. I reckon he’s played a grand total of two different tunes (My Head is a Jungle and Blame) during our first 6 weeks in the flat, and often listens to this lengthy playlist whilst wrapped in a bath towel, singing/chanting out of tune and clapping out of sync. The boy is a beast.

Hardman – Well as I alluded to earlier, I know who’ll think they should get this one but Jamie Jackson is about as hard Fin Clarkson’s abs. Nah for me this has to go to arguably the nicest man in the club, Tim Rawlinson. Off the pitch he’s a mild-mannered, devoted Christian but when he crosses that white line there’s not a tackle he won’t go far, header he won’t win or opponent he won’t go through. And usually he’ll do all this with a broken ankle! A true hard man but also a true gentleman.

Best mate – Ooft you’ve put me on the spot here… so many serious Marcus Bents to choose from. On the first serious note of this interview though I’ve met too many absolute gentlemen throughout my time at the club to remember, I’ve even ended up living with four of them now! These boys are the heartbeat of EUAFC and the reason why I’m still lingering around. It’s been an absolute privilege getting to know every one of them and picking one as a best mate is an impossible task. If you’re forcing me to compile my Bebo top 6 there are a few obvious candidates – my other half of the 2s interim management due Graeme Armstrong, my dealer Calum Frain, my live-in boyfriends Dan Ward and David Oswald and finally my very own Gok Wan (due to his sound fashion advice not his race before anyone claims I’m getting a tad Ron Atkinson) Alan Chung.